Several years ago, a little 9-year-old girl was sharing a joke with several of her friends, but the ending of her joke surprised me: “…so I said to her, ‘who needs boys? Boys are overrated.’” “9 years old and she’s already saying that?” I thought. Then her friend asked, “What does overrated mean?” Her response? “They aren’t needed anymore.” That shocked me. When she saw the look on my face, she said with a giggle, “Well, it’s true.” Or is it?

I hate hearing girls (or women) of any age treating men like they are inferior, stupid, or unneeded. You may think I’m old fashioned, and maybe you’re right, but I have a few reasons for why I don’t think boys are overrated.

The definition of overrated is “to rate or appraise too highly; overestimate.” Do you think men are rated or appraised too highly, or overestimated? Personally, I think not. Men are far too often underestimated.

I wonder, is the reason you think boys are overrated because they have failed you before?

First, there’s something that needs straightened out. Ever since sin entered the world, there has been a debate between men and women about who is better. I remember when we were little the boys at church would say, “Well, Eve is the one who ate the forbidden fruit, so men are better than women!” And then us girls would reply, “Well, the Bible says through one MAN sin entered the world, so women are obviously better than men.” But in our playful banter, we missed the point – both Adam and Eve sinned. Everyone in the world has sinned. We are all, male and female, in need of God’s grace.

Genesis 1:26-27 “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” In this usage of the word man, it refers to mankind. Guys and girls are both human beings, made in the image of God. That means that all of us, male and female, are God’s masterpieces. Isn’t it an honor to know that out of all God’s creation, He chose you and me as His favorite?

Next, Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” God did not say, “I will make a helper for him because he’s so stupid,” nor did He say, “The man needs a servant.” God said a helper. He made man and woman equal, not one better than the other. Now, God created men and women to love and do different things, but that doesn’t make you inferior, nor does it make men inferior. It just means you have different abilities and different interests, because God made us all to be unique. I believe that this shows God’s creativity.

So, now that that’s out of the way, what does the Bible say about how we are to treat men? The Bible has a lot to say about how married couples should treat each other, and I believe that single girls should read these truths too. Most of us will probably get married at some point in our lives, and we aren’t going to be magically perfect wives. We must grow the character of a godly wife while we are still young.

Ephesians 5:22-33 is a beautiful passage of Scripture that speaks of marriage. God designed marriage to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church. As Christ loved the church enough to die for her and to nourish and care for her, husbands are to love their wives in this same way. And just like the church is supposed to be subject to Christ, wives are to be subject to their husbands. When a couple lives out the instructions given in this passage, their marriage will reflect the message of the gospel. What an amazing calling!

Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

The Greek word for subject is hypotassō, which means, “to obey:—be under obedience, be in subjection, submit self unto. A voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” Being subject to your husband isn’t something done out of an attitude of, “well God says I have to, so I guess I have to,” but rather voluntarily submitting to your husband, not only out of love for your husband, but out of a greater love for God. For us girls who are single, we can learn to be subject to our husbands by being obedient to the authorities God has placed in our lives right now, like our parents, teachers, pastors, etc. If we learn how to be obedient with a willing attitude out of love for God, we will be better prepared to be subject to our husbands if or when we do get married someday.

1 Peter 3:1-2 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

While this passage is again speaking to married women, I believe it applies to us single girls as well. I’m sure all of you know some guys who aren’t living for God, and it’s easy to roll our eyes and complain about them, but the Bible is telling us that we can do something about this. We can lead by example and show them who Christ is through our behavior. In fact, we should always be living in such a way that those who don’t know Christ will see His work in our lives. They will see by our love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that Jesus has changed us.

1 Peter 3:3-4 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

While we are young we can also practice being adorned with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. What is a gentle and quiet spirit? Having a gentle spirit means relying on God for strength, and trusting Him to take care of you. It means being kind to others with our words and actions. It means imitating Christ’s gentleness when He said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me (Matt. 19:14),” and when He had compassion and healed people. Having a quiet spirit means you’re at peace in your heart. You’re not constantly fretting and worrying about stuff, but simply resting in knowing that God is taking care of you. It also means you aren’t deliberately causing problems or arguments, but are working to, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all (Romans 12:18).

To those of you reading who are married women, I have a challenge for you. Titus 2:3-5 says, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” You are to be the example for the younger generation. You are called to be the example of love, purity, hard work, kindness, sensibility, and being subject and respectful to your husband. One thing that bothers and saddens me is hearing married women talking about their husbands disrespectfully or treating them as though they are unintelligent. Ladies, please remember that you are being watched by the younger generation! Your words are being heard by younger ears. God has given your husband a very important and serious role in your house. Whether he is living up to all that God has asked of him is not the point. The question is whether you are living up to all that God has asked of you? Allow your husband to do his God-given job of being a loving husband, head of the family, and protector. Choose to encourage him, not to nag him. You have a huge influence in your family. The saying, “if mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is so true! Use your influence for good! Your example affects the next generation, because we are watching. You make a difference!

Okay, so back to the question: how should we treat men?

Romans 12:9-21 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We should treat men the same way we are called to treat every human being – with the same love that Christ gives us. We should be humble enough to put others first, to take care of our fellow believers, be hospitable, be at peace with everyone, and never take our own revenge. We must choose to do good to all people, including men. Treating everyone the way Christ has treated us means trusting that He is in control and has everything covered.

Remember that question I asked at the beginning, is the reason you think boys are overrated is because they have failed you before? Has a guy made a promise to you and broke it? Did you have a high expectation for a guy and he failed to meet it? Are there guys you know who aren’t very kind and bug you constantly? I get it. I’ve had similar experiences.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” We have all rebelled against God, yet He loved us enough to send Jesus to die for our sins. God offered us forgiveness, and we didn’t deserve it in the least. If God can forgive us for all that we have done, how can we not forgive others? It would be hypocritical not to (and sinful). There will be those who are harder to forgive than others, but God will give you the strength to forgive those who are hard to forgive if you simply ask.

Finally, are you one of those girls who’s worried about whether there are any chivalrous guys left in the world, any guys who are living wholeheartedly for Christ at all? Are you worried that you’ll never find a truly godly man to marry when you grow up? To be honest, I’ve struggled with those worries too. But here’s a thought: maybe one of the reasons guys don’t seem to care anymore is because we treat them like they’re overrated. We ignore them, poke fun at them, gossip about them, and send them the message that they’re worthless. I’ll admit, I’m guilty of acting this way too, and it is wrong.

So, here’s my challenge: What if we started treating guys with respect? What if we put into practice the fruits of the Spirit? What if we forgave those who have hurt us? What if we started acting like young ladies? Now that’s a thought! I wonder what all those young men would do?

With love,

Kelsey