How To Be an Iron-Sharpens-Iron Kind of Friend
I’ve been thinking recently about what it means to not just be a good friend, but a godly friend. How do I build deep, Christian friendships rather than surface-level friendships? I don’t feel like the best person to write about friendship; I’m not one of those people who effortlessly attracts friends and makes people feel included. I feel very awkward trying to be a “people-person.” But my desire is to be a friend who encourages and builds up other sisters in Christ, so I decided to do some exploring into what godly friendship looks like.
Proverbs 27:17 is a verse I keep returning to when I think about friendship:
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
What does it look like to be a friend who sharpens their friends?
One of the go-to examples of godly friendship are David and Jonathan. Here are 3 lessons I found on friendship from David and Jonathan.
1: Godly friends love each other as themselves.
Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 1 Samuel 18:3
We see how Jonathan loved David as himself through the way he protected David from Saul. Even when Saul became suspicious of Jonathan and tried to kill him (see 1 Sam. 20:33), Jonathan stayed loyal to David and continued protecting him. If Jonathan were thinking of himself, he would have stopped trying to protect David from Saul because he was putting himself at risk. But because he loved David as himself, he stayed loyal to his friend.
This basic core of godly friendship is also one of the 2 greatest commandments:
And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39
For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
It’s easy to love ourselves, to hang out with friends because it makes us feel better about ourselves, because they entertain us, or because certain friendships make us “cooler.” But that’s not godly friendship. A godly friend puts others before themselves and loves their friend as themselves. In order to love others well, we must first have the greatest commandment in place in our lives, to love God with all our being. Why? Because He is Love (see 1 John 4:8), and without having God as our first love we cannot love others fully. Apart from Christ, we will always put ourselves first. It is only through being in Christ and following His example that we can love our neighbor as ourselves.
What are some practical ways we can love our friends as ourselves? We may not be saving our friends from Saul, but we can show love through our loyalty, being available to listen to and pray for our friends even when it’s not convenient, encouraging our friends in the Lord, keeping our word… There are lots of small ways we can love our friends, but the greatest way to love our friends is to continually point them to Jesus.
2: Godly friends stand up for and speak well of one another.
Now Saul told Jonathan his son and all his servants to put David to death. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, greatly delighted in David. 1 Samuel 19:1
Then Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Do not let the king sin against his servant David, since he has not sinned against you, and since his deeds have been very beneficial to you. For he took his life in his hand and struck the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel; you saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by putting David to death without a cause?” Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan, and Saul vowed, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be put to death.” Then Jonathan called David, and Jonathan told him all these words. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as formerly. 1 Samuel 19:4-7
David and Jonathan had each other’s backs. They stood up for one another and spoke well of each other.
He who loves purity of heart And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend. Proverbs 22:11
A godly friend speaks graciously about their friends. They lift people up rather than tear them down.
A huge aspect about gracious speech is refusing to gossip about our friends. It’s very tempting to talk negatively about someone behind their back under the guise of “concern,” but gossiping is not speaking with grace. A godly friend will share their concern with their friend in a gracious manner rather than speaking negatively about them when they aren’t there.
3: Godly friends encourage one another in the Lord.
Now David became aware that Saul had come out to seek his life while David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. And Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David at Horesh, and encouraged him in God. Thus he said to him, “Do not be afraid, because the hand of Saul my father will not find you, and you will be king over Israel and I will be next to you; and Saul my father knows that also.” 1 Samuel 23:15-17
I love verse 16 that says Jonathan encouraged David in God. I believe this is one of the greatest differences that sets godly friendships apart from good friendships. Godly friends encourage one another in the Lord.
Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end, Hebrews 3:12-14
Godly friends encourage one another to stay strong in the faith and to stay alert to the Holy Spirit. They challenge each other to deepen their relationship with Christ.
Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:5-6
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend. Proverbs 27:9
Godly friends offer each other counsel in the Lord. Rather than keeping conversations at surface-level, they talk about what’s going on in their lives spiritually, decisions they are wrestling with, and they encourage one another to seek the Lord and to choose to follow Christ, no matter how hard it may be. Godly friends don’t just sympathize with their friends; they offer courage and strength to one another through their counsel.
The ultimate example to look to when talking about godly friendship is Jesus.
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:12-15
Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:1-8
Jesus showed His great love for us by laying down His life for us, those He called His friends! What an amazing, humbling thought! And we are called to imitate Christ’s humility and love in the way we treat our friends. We are called to fellowship, affection, compassion, unity, love, selflessness, humility of mind, and looking out for others’ interests because that is what Christ, the ultimate Friend, did for us.
I hope this has encouraged and challenged you to be intentional about pointing your friends to Christ as it has for me. May we reflect our Lord and Savior in every aspect of our lives, including friendship!
With love,
Kelsey
